Chapter 1

The phone rang. The phone rang again. The phone rang a third time. The answering machine kicked in halfway into the fourth ring.

Click. "Hello caller. I'm going to be gone for the next couple weeks. I've set out to find the guy who coined the phrase, 'It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all,' and blow his brains all over the sidewalk. You can leave a message if you want, but odds are I'm either in jail or dead. Happy holidays. Live long and prosper. Jesus loves you. The pen is mightier than the sword. Vote yes on 3B. Always compare to the placebo. Seat belts save lives. Freedom." Beep.

A voice gave an exasperated sigh, then started, "Nice message, Thomas. Very eloquent. I would tell you that you're an idiot but you already know that. I know you're home. In fact, I know you're lying on the couch with your blue comforter. There's probably a jar of peanut butter, the jelly, a loaf of two-week-old bread, and about ten juice boxes sitting on the coffee table."

I lolled my head to the left and peeked at the glass coffee table. Skippy Extra Creamy. Welch's Raspberry Preserves. Sara Lee Golden Honey Wheat. (Circa about four days. I'd had the grocery store deliver.) And six boxes of Treetop apple juice.

I guess Lacy knew me pretty well.

She continued, "Do me a favor and get off your pathetic ass and pick up the phone." She was silent for a second then started back in, "Fine. If you want to self-destruct, isolate yourself from the world, then that's your problem. Have fun."

I will. Thank you.

"Just remember there are those of us who still love you. Even when you're acting like a huge baby."

Ouch.

"Well, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy Thanksgiving. Sorry, I couldn't be there for you. I hope you find your way to some pumpkin pie."

A Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks would suffice. I hope they delivered.

"I know I've said it a hundred times already, Thomas, but she doesn't deserve you. You're too good for her. It's been almost six weeks. It's time to get on with your life."